Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
