There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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