I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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