I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
