I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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