Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
