Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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