I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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