i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
