i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
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we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
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The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.