I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"