She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.