Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.