I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?