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Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
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