it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.