I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
In America we eat man semen.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.