Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.