i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
