Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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