it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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