Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
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She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
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I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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