I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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