i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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