see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
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