Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
