And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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