Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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