Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
