I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
