just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
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there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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