Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
