so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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