This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
