I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
