he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
