I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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