Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
