tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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