I wish I could teleport
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
