Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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