Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
