i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
