everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
