just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
