I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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