I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
