I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I need mimosas to revive my soul