it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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