Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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