who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
