Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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