My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
