I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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