my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
