I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
