and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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