So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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