handjob tips. give me some.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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