I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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