i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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