I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
