May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
