Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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