NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
