college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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