So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
