I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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