We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
