just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
