I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
