and my herpes radar will keep us safe
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
