we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
