That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
