ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
